Hesitation

I shy away, it's been a while and I haven't been able to bare my soul. Again, like a virginal bride I hesitate in front of you to slowly peel away those layers of skin that will somehow uncover me.

 

Is it rawness that will be there or some long lost blossom of a past dynasty? I'm not quite sure. Though what I do know and realise, is that I have in actual fact lost me.

 

I have a will and none at all. I have a want, and cannot take charge nor heed to my need. I thrill at the thought of imagining, no, remembering what I seemed to be. the feeling of chills and shivers, of stammering, of knots in my stomach. Now the only knots are if I'm too stressed and because of Gastric Reflux.

 

Is it at all possible to lose sense and regain it? I know that people at times have lost sight and regained it, have lost sound & regained it, have lost the will & regained it, but to lose the sense of sense. To fear of becoming that which terrified me. The tower of glacial glory. Glorious, marvellous - but cold.

 

I need help and I don't know how to help myself. Ironic that I am the pillar for others but am too weak to make a single simple decision. End.