'Five' - a poem of mine (Circa 2002)
خمسة
بهالكون خمسة ينظرون الوقت
واحد نسى نفسه ودوّر على غيره
واحد مشى خطوة ورجع ثلاث خطوات
واحد يكتب عالهوا أغلى المذكرات
وواحد يحسب ويقرا كل ما فات
وأنا من بين هالخمسة ضايع ... مادري
كيف ألقى نفسي والقى بين هالكون والخمسة
همسة ضاعت من زمان
نفسي خذته واشرقت بلهفته حتى
صرت أخاف أحيا أخاف أنسى
وأمسي أموت ويكتبون ... نكسة
لأني في يوم تجرأت أحلم
أحلم بليالي قصيرة وطفل وبنت صغيرة
كأن كل لحظة بغمظة بلمحة من عيونهم
بعبق العبير من أطفال حلم
حلم ما توقعته يصير
وأغمض الدمعة ... وأصحى وألقاهم
خمسة ينظرون الوقت ضايع
بيني وبينهم ... خلسة
لين أصبحنا الستة قصيدة لغيرنا تذبل
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Monday, May 17, 2004
A few nights ago, as I was leaving behind a podium and applause of a recital, I met a few people who joined our table. They were of the media industry, she was a presenter; eloquent, he owns a channel (serene) and her husband I can't remember (agitated).
He came by the next day to work and called me to invite me to lunch with a common acquaintance. I'd had a big breakfast and so an hour later I joined them for coffee. He was more animated today and showed a keen interest in what I was saying. I was speaking about many a thing whether social, political or religious, all about Iraq. Then he hit me with it... "Why don't you do a weekly program at the station, your own 50 minute program?" Unexpected? No, I've had offers before. So I let it by. He called me twice that evening wanting to speak about two ideas for a show and which would I like.... He came to meet me again for the same... Now I am wondering. My dad thinks I should go for it and so does my friend...
I do want to yet I wonder if I want to be a T.V. face. Do I really want that exposure; I then catch myself thinking as a T.V. persona. I stop myself lest it get to my head…t a
What’s good is that I feel professionally wanted…
I think of my current role and the changes I am about to go through and my insides feel as if they were thrown into something akin to a tumble dryer…
As if I should need a more intense sensation of intestines entangled, I get another job offer…
I thank all who have this faith in me.
He came by the next day to work and called me to invite me to lunch with a common acquaintance. I'd had a big breakfast and so an hour later I joined them for coffee. He was more animated today and showed a keen interest in what I was saying. I was speaking about many a thing whether social, political or religious, all about Iraq. Then he hit me with it... "Why don't you do a weekly program at the station, your own 50 minute program?" Unexpected? No, I've had offers before. So I let it by. He called me twice that evening wanting to speak about two ideas for a show and which would I like.... He came to meet me again for the same... Now I am wondering. My dad thinks I should go for it and so does my friend...
I do want to yet I wonder if I want to be a T.V. face. Do I really want that exposure; I then catch myself thinking as a T.V. persona. I stop myself lest it get to my head…t a
What’s good is that I feel professionally wanted…
I think of my current role and the changes I am about to go through and my insides feel as if they were thrown into something akin to a tumble dryer…
As if I should need a more intense sensation of intestines entangled, I get another job offer…
I thank all who have this faith in me.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
As was the custom, every Friday night we'd go to the movies. This Friday differed in that we watched an Arabic Movie called “Hob El Banaat”; ‘Girls’ Love’.
It was about three estranged sisters whose father’s will caused them to be flung into a household together after a long period of separation. They each develop a relationship (an affair of the heart) that at that point may or may not have been the right one. One of the protagonists seemed to fall for a movie star in the movie; he confesses his true love to her but senses that it may not be truly reciprocated.
Why am I saying this? Well at a point he tells her – that she is not truly in love with him, because a person in love does not harmfully criticize the one he’s/she’s in love with, on the contrary he does not see that the other has any faults. There for me the movie paused, in my mind, my soul and my aching heart. True? I felt it as true as someone punching the air out of you. My eyes stung and NOT because we had a sandstorm today…. Yes, they only stung without the release to cleanse my soul… It’s as though there wasn’t a clear cellular network and suddenly the reception was crystalline!
It was about three estranged sisters whose father’s will caused them to be flung into a household together after a long period of separation. They each develop a relationship (an affair of the heart) that at that point may or may not have been the right one. One of the protagonists seemed to fall for a movie star in the movie; he confesses his true love to her but senses that it may not be truly reciprocated.
Why am I saying this? Well at a point he tells her – that she is not truly in love with him, because a person in love does not harmfully criticize the one he’s/she’s in love with, on the contrary he does not see that the other has any faults. There for me the movie paused, in my mind, my soul and my aching heart. True? I felt it as true as someone punching the air out of you. My eyes stung and NOT because we had a sandstorm today…. Yes, they only stung without the release to cleanse my soul… It’s as though there wasn’t a clear cellular network and suddenly the reception was crystalline!
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Canto Piano
He came again, and again I thought I knew him from a time gone by...
each time I see him his looks belie his years... He came and reminded me of how I felt in high school of when we were once so so so ... I don't know.... Most words would be a cliche... Carefree, innocent, young . Whatever may be .
I still find it difficult to look him in the eye. It seems that I may reveal what had been hidden for more than 15 years... After many many years I still remember how I felt and I remember my high school crush... The soft
He came again, and again I thought I knew him from a time gone by...
each time I see him his looks belie his years... He came and reminded me of how I felt in high school of when we were once so so so ... I don't know.... Most words would be a cliche... Carefree, innocent, young . Whatever may be .
I still find it difficult to look him in the eye. It seems that I may reveal what had been hidden for more than 15 years... After many many years I still remember how I felt and I remember my high school crush... The soft
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Monday, May 03, 2004
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Opus I
Well, what have we gotten ourselves into. I just came across an article on MSN Women titled: 'Lying for Love' - "Is honesty always the best policy in relationships?" (not that this article has many points I can relate to-but subject was thought provoking)
hmmm...
He always use to say 'yeah I know you are being honest with me!'. Yet the tone would belie a disbelieving undertone.
I am hurt. I am cold. I feel barren.
Can the vital presence of a man in our lives be so integral to our feminine existence? Or is it the feeling of love?
I don't know. I can't feel. I don't know how to feel.
I miss his laughter and shine and his eyes. I miss his lips and front teeth when he smiles. I miss watching him savouring a meal-AAAAH that is a sight for sore eyes, the most sensual visual display of devouring food-and when I select the morsels for him. I miss HIM.
I Love Him.
Well, what have we gotten ourselves into. I just came across an article on MSN Women titled: 'Lying for Love' - "Is honesty always the best policy in relationships?" (not that this article has many points I can relate to-but subject was thought provoking)
hmmm...
He always use to say 'yeah I know you are being honest with me!'. Yet the tone would belie a disbelieving undertone.
I am hurt. I am cold. I feel barren.
Can the vital presence of a man in our lives be so integral to our feminine existence? Or is it the feeling of love?
I don't know. I can't feel. I don't know how to feel.
I miss his laughter and shine and his eyes. I miss his lips and front teeth when he smiles. I miss watching him savouring a meal-AAAAH that is a sight for sore eyes, the most sensual visual display of devouring food-and when I select the morsels for him. I miss HIM.
I Love Him.
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