Interlude iv


I am restless, sometimes I'm happy, at times I'm sad. Though I think what may be bothering me is this feeling of being 'un-anchored'. A boat, in the ocean, vast surroundings, empty horizon, no shore in sight, just hanging around without an anchor. ?No paddles, No fuel? I don't know. That's exactly it. I do not know.

And I look for you to direct me... it seems you're just as lost as I am. That's not the impression you gave me... I thought you knew what you wanted. I need in you a decisive mind. I need. I want you but I also want your strength before your weaknesses.

I am sorry. Forgive me for what I may be about to do. I will talk to you, I want to know where we're heading to. Just tell me. Give me a time frame or else tell me we are not to be but please do let me know.

I miss you in so many words and ways that I am tired of saying and feeling it. I miss you so much that I hate the ache that thumps within me. I bear it like a child not knowing when I'm due for labour. Like my love, an unborn child that I need to care for not knowing when it will come nor who its father is nor how will it be. My life with you seems like that to me.

No. It's My confusion with you. Yet you speak to me so clearly as if I don't understand. As if the language you speak is one that is new to me, I do, I do hear and understand what you say, you my love, are not in what you say.