It pleases him,
He told me that my voice has an echo,
Music,
Like that of water falling,
Like drops of rain as they gently on a surface rest
It pleases him says,
‘Your voice is the music that I dream of composing’
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Friday, July 30, 2004
'Good Morning'
He keeps saying ‘Good Morning’, in the Morning, Afternoon & Night so I finally asked him why he keeps on saying Good Morning all the time? He recited a stanza from an old Arabic Poem:
‘The Brightness of your face enticed me,
To believe that night was day…’
إشراق وجهك غرّني حتى ضننت المساء صباحا
‘The Brightness of your face enticed me,
To believe that night was day…’
إشراق وجهك غرّني حتى ضننت المساء صباحا
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Confuse me
He confuses me, and on occasion, sometimes more so himself. So he asks me to write about it…
Confuse me,
Let me know not whether I’m happy or sad,
l want to feel the tightness in my belly stretch,
Beyond its extremity till it nearly snaps.
Confuse me,
Whisper sweetness in my ears
And then say ‘those words aren’t for you.’
String me fine tales that entangle me in your mind,
Tell me those stories of the books you’ve left behind.
Confuse me,
And I’ll wrap you up in a web of shadows undefined.
Confuse you?
Let me confuse you,
Let me rise into the darkness of your memory and shroud you
With words you long to hear yet dare not speak, nor ask, nor think…
Let me confuse you with what may happen,
With what you may wish for
With what you may hope
With what you may sing, in the darkness
A sweet song of agony for an ache you only want
I want to confuse you like you do to me.
We're all just a mass of confusion
Waiting to be sung
In the noonday sun.
Confuse me..
Confuse me,
Let me know not whether I’m happy or sad,
l want to feel the tightness in my belly stretch,
Beyond its extremity till it nearly snaps.
Confuse me,
Whisper sweetness in my ears
And then say ‘those words aren’t for you.’
String me fine tales that entangle me in your mind,
Tell me those stories of the books you’ve left behind.
Confuse me,
And I’ll wrap you up in a web of shadows undefined.
Confuse you?
Let me confuse you,
Let me rise into the darkness of your memory and shroud you
With words you long to hear yet dare not speak, nor ask, nor think…
Let me confuse you with what may happen,
With what you may wish for
With what you may hope
With what you may sing, in the darkness
A sweet song of agony for an ache you only want
I want to confuse you like you do to me.
We're all just a mass of confusion
Waiting to be sung
In the noonday sun.
Confuse me..
A Duet of Butterfly kisses
It seems so long ago yet it's not even part of my memory yet, in an instant I remember what I might forget,
Kisses, he asks for kisses, and gets none... He told me then, that all my words are kisses.
Do I choose to remain silent or stand atop a hill and sing to the wind that my words may shower raindrops and butterfly kisses?
Kisses, he asks for kisses, and gets none... He told me then, that all my words are kisses.
Do I choose to remain silent or stand atop a hill and sing to the wind that my words may shower raindrops and butterfly kisses?
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
أوعديني تجين
أوعديني تجين ... وحاولي ما تجين
خلي الشوق يتمناك ما ياصلك
امنعيني حنانك واحرميني من الحنين
واتركيلي المجال أحن وأشتاقلك
ابعدي عن عيوني حاولي تختفين
لا تخلين كثرة طيبتك تقتلك
ما يجي بالسهولة ما يسمى ثمين
ومن لبيتيه قبلي يجيك ما يقبلك
ماسهلك ليه زعلتي كيف ما تزعلين
شفتي شلون صرت أقول يا مسهلك
قلتلك لا تكوني مخلصة تندمين
هااا لا يجي يوم وتقولين ما قلتلك
وشكسبتي من القلب الحنون الأمين
وش جنيتي من اللي قالك مانبلك
حاولي تذرف عيونك ولو كذبتين
جربي تبذرين الكذب في مشتلك
احرقي هالقلوب وجربي تلعبين
في يدك قلعتين والجند لك
يا غبية ترآه كله آنه قلته لك
انقلي ذي بدل ذي واصرخي كش ملك!
مساعد الشمراني
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Thank You...
Thank you for your concern,
your kind words,
your patience,
your generous sentiments,
Thank you for reassuring me I'm not alone,
for calling from a place without a phone,
for caring to ask of how I'm doing,
for your gentle caress that all will be fine,
for being there when I needed you the most and didn't know it
Thank you for calling in the day and at night,
for standing there by my side,
thank you for your whispers of how great I am,
and bright and strong and brave I am
Thank you all for your beautiful support,
and for continuing the walk right by my side.
Yes I mean you!
Thank You in over 465 languages & dialects
your kind words,
your patience,
your generous sentiments,
Thank you for reassuring me I'm not alone,
for calling from a place without a phone,
for caring to ask of how I'm doing,
for your gentle caress that all will be fine,
for being there when I needed you the most and didn't know it
Thank you for calling in the day and at night,
for standing there by my side,
thank you for your whispers of how great I am,
and bright and strong and brave I am
Thank you all for your beautiful support,
and for continuing the walk right by my side.
Yes I mean you!
Thank You in over 465 languages & dialects
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Please excuse me,
The doctors say I have 'Angiomyolipoma' a benign lesion on my kidney. Because it's >4 c.m. (7.2cmx7.3cm) I will need a biopsy to check that it is benign and then surgery, possibly 'nephrectomy' .
I am surprised and surprised!
The doctors say I have 'Angiomyolipoma' a benign lesion on my kidney. Because it's >4 c.m. (7.2cmx7.3cm) I will need a biopsy to check that it is benign and then surgery, possibly 'nephrectomy' .
I am surprised and surprised!
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
I am discovering me!
This is so much more true than I expected it to be....
I wasn't well last night, I was in immense pain, my waist, it was excruciating...
I went to the hospital to check it out, I discovered I have a gallstone amongst other things...
Things they couldn't find out by the ultrasound, so the have to do a CT Scan.
Apparently they're not sure were the stone is exactly and there's a mass of 73mm by 72mm which they wanna know what it is...
I an optimistic Al HamdulilAh
I wasn't well last night, I was in immense pain, my waist, it was excruciating...
I went to the hospital to check it out, I discovered I have a gallstone amongst other things...
Things they couldn't find out by the ultrasound, so the have to do a CT Scan.
Apparently they're not sure were the stone is exactly and there's a mass of 73mm by 72mm which they wanna know what it is...
I an optimistic Al HamdulilAh
Friday, July 16, 2004
Till this late/early hour I last...
I have just been through a slow stroll down the thorny, prickly path of memory lane …
How many lives have I gone through already? How many deaths have I died? I hope Phoenixes' far outnumber that of cats 'cause I seem to be going through them like tissues during a sob story...
and then,
1:42:36 + plus
I have just been through a slow stroll down the thorny, prickly path of memory lane …
How many lives have I gone through already? How many deaths have I died? I hope Phoenixes' far outnumber that of cats 'cause I seem to be going through them like tissues during a sob story...
and then,
1:42:36 + plus
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
I am asked on many occasions, why did I choose the name Al Mulhama? I had chosen it to be inspired, to have inspiration and to feel inspired... at times maybe be an inspiration such as Al Mulhema.
Just recently I discovered how close to a revelation this moniker is:
The Forms the Nafs Takes***
If the nafs is fulfilling its obligation, which is to evolve towards knowledge of its One Source, then it reflects God’s plan for all of us; it reflects our fitra. If, however, it has been distorted as a reflector, then it takes on the myriad forms that are classified below.
The Commanding Self - Nafs al-ammara
If the nafs is completely wayward and has lost touch with its fitra, it is classified as nafs al-ammara. This is the totally selfish, most egotistical of the selves, which, as the Qur’an says, ‘commands to evil’ (Qur’an 12:53). It is the nafs of the supremely self-centred three-year old child or the despot who wants something and wants it instantly. This nafs will not listen to reason nor rationality. It is purely whimsical.
The Blaming Self - Nafs al-lawwama
Slightly higher on the scale is the nafs whose conscience is pricked because of its bad behavior. As a result, it blames itself for being extreme and may be spurred into positive action in order to do something about its dismal condition. This is the nafs al-lawwama, the blaming self.
The Inspired Self - Nafs al-mulhama
If the nafs al-lawwama progresses farther along the path, improving itself, becoming more tolerant and inspired, perhaps even creative, it becomes what is known as nafs al-mulhama, the inspired self. It develops a ‘live and let live’ attitude. It says, ‘why not?’ or ‘It’s crazy - let’s do it!’ Everything goes, even the wildest ideas.
The Certain Self - Nafs al-mutma’inna
When the nafs al-lawwama is brought under control, it is on the road to contentment, to becoming nafs al-mutma’inna. This self is certain that it will come to faithfully reflect the fitra in time, with diligence, commitment, honesty, companionship and applying the right prescriptions. It will increase in its certainty that it has come from beyond time; that it is only here to learn, to experience and to be poised for that final, incredible journey out of the prison of its body.
Allah addresses the nafs al-mutma’inna in the Qur`an: ‘Oh contented soul, return to your Lord, pleased and pleasing. Enter upon your state of being in adoration of Me; enter My Garden’ (Qur`an 89:29). In other words, God is telling this nafs to enter into a zone of contentment that is within itself. The root of contentment lies inside each of us so that we may recognize it within creation and become instruments of contentment for others.
The nafs encompasses this entire spectrum of all these stages; it can be any of these classifications of the nafs or the original nafs or self, the natural design given to each of us by God. When we speak in general terms of the nafs we mean a state in which we find ourselves at that time.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The inward path which amounts to recognition of what the self is, its position in the cosmos and how it can be purified.
The Stages of the Self:
An-Nafs al-'Amara: the insinuating self
The insinuating self which is wholly evil and totally under the control of passions and bent only on self- gratification. It is totally blind to any higher reality. "The lower self of man commands to evil acts." ( 12:53)
An-Nafs al-Lawwama:the self-reproaching self
The reproachful self which is indecisive in choosing between good and evil and is constantly embroiled in an inner struggle. It is unable to overcome the impulses of the lower self while it nonetheless recognises the higher one. "No, I swear by the self-reproaching self." (75:2)
An-Nafs al-Mulhama: the inspired self
The self which recognises its faults and strives to correct them. "By the self and what proportioned it and inspired it with depravity or godliness!" (91:7-8)
An-Nafs al-Mutma'inna: the self at peace
Finally there is the self at peace which is illuminated and acts according to the good and is therefore liberated "O self at peace, return to your Lord, well-pleased, well-pleasing. Enter among My servants. Enter My Garden." (89:27)
'Ali al-Jamal, a Moroccan wali (sometimes translated as saint, but which really means a friend of Allah) said when he experienced this,
"A certain state came over me so that the attributes of Allah appeared in manifestation in myself and in all creation...I began to love myself and to love all creation. Whoever I saw, man or woman, old man or child, I loved...I also began to love animals, rivers, trees, birds, the sky and the stars, and the earth and its stones....whatever loved me and I loved whatever did not love me because I saw that my essence contained existence, high and low, and existence was part of me. It was like my limbs and extremities. My love of them appeared to me to be only love of my essence and attributes."
As for Iraq, well it is going through a Renaissance, i.e. rebirth. And with each birth, death & rebirth so must we feel the pain, and as mothers know, the more the pain of labour the dearer the child... Our country is dearest of All after God ALmighty and parents, and it grows dearer with each passing day. Because now I can nearly taste it, MY country.
Just recently I discovered how close to a revelation this moniker is:
The Forms the Nafs Takes***
If the nafs is fulfilling its obligation, which is to evolve towards knowledge of its One Source, then it reflects God’s plan for all of us; it reflects our fitra. If, however, it has been distorted as a reflector, then it takes on the myriad forms that are classified below.
The Commanding Self - Nafs al-ammara
If the nafs is completely wayward and has lost touch with its fitra, it is classified as nafs al-ammara. This is the totally selfish, most egotistical of the selves, which, as the Qur’an says, ‘commands to evil’ (Qur’an 12:53). It is the nafs of the supremely self-centred three-year old child or the despot who wants something and wants it instantly. This nafs will not listen to reason nor rationality. It is purely whimsical.
The Blaming Self - Nafs al-lawwama
Slightly higher on the scale is the nafs whose conscience is pricked because of its bad behavior. As a result, it blames itself for being extreme and may be spurred into positive action in order to do something about its dismal condition. This is the nafs al-lawwama, the blaming self.
The Inspired Self - Nafs al-mulhama
If the nafs al-lawwama progresses farther along the path, improving itself, becoming more tolerant and inspired, perhaps even creative, it becomes what is known as nafs al-mulhama, the inspired self. It develops a ‘live and let live’ attitude. It says, ‘why not?’ or ‘It’s crazy - let’s do it!’ Everything goes, even the wildest ideas.
The Certain Self - Nafs al-mutma’inna
When the nafs al-lawwama is brought under control, it is on the road to contentment, to becoming nafs al-mutma’inna. This self is certain that it will come to faithfully reflect the fitra in time, with diligence, commitment, honesty, companionship and applying the right prescriptions. It will increase in its certainty that it has come from beyond time; that it is only here to learn, to experience and to be poised for that final, incredible journey out of the prison of its body.
Allah addresses the nafs al-mutma’inna in the Qur`an: ‘Oh contented soul, return to your Lord, pleased and pleasing. Enter upon your state of being in adoration of Me; enter My Garden’ (Qur`an 89:29). In other words, God is telling this nafs to enter into a zone of contentment that is within itself. The root of contentment lies inside each of us so that we may recognize it within creation and become instruments of contentment for others.
The nafs encompasses this entire spectrum of all these stages; it can be any of these classifications of the nafs or the original nafs or self, the natural design given to each of us by God. When we speak in general terms of the nafs we mean a state in which we find ourselves at that time.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The inward path which amounts to recognition of what the self is, its position in the cosmos and how it can be purified.
The Stages of the Self:
An-Nafs al-'Amara: the insinuating self
The insinuating self which is wholly evil and totally under the control of passions and bent only on self- gratification. It is totally blind to any higher reality. "The lower self of man commands to evil acts." ( 12:53)
An-Nafs al-Lawwama:the self-reproaching self
The reproachful self which is indecisive in choosing between good and evil and is constantly embroiled in an inner struggle. It is unable to overcome the impulses of the lower self while it nonetheless recognises the higher one. "No, I swear by the self-reproaching self." (75:2)
An-Nafs al-Mulhama: the inspired self
The self which recognises its faults and strives to correct them. "By the self and what proportioned it and inspired it with depravity or godliness!" (91:7-8)
An-Nafs al-Mutma'inna: the self at peace
Finally there is the self at peace which is illuminated and acts according to the good and is therefore liberated "O self at peace, return to your Lord, well-pleased, well-pleasing. Enter among My servants. Enter My Garden." (89:27)
'Ali al-Jamal, a Moroccan wali (sometimes translated as saint, but which really means a friend of Allah) said when he experienced this,
"A certain state came over me so that the attributes of Allah appeared in manifestation in myself and in all creation...I began to love myself and to love all creation. Whoever I saw, man or woman, old man or child, I loved...I also began to love animals, rivers, trees, birds, the sky and the stars, and the earth and its stones....whatever loved me and I loved whatever did not love me because I saw that my essence contained existence, high and low, and existence was part of me. It was like my limbs and extremities. My love of them appeared to me to be only love of my essence and attributes."
As for Iraq, well it is going through a Renaissance, i.e. rebirth. And with each birth, death & rebirth so must we feel the pain, and as mothers know, the more the pain of labour the dearer the child... Our country is dearest of All after God ALmighty and parents, and it grows dearer with each passing day. Because now I can nearly taste it, MY country.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Sunday, July 11, 2004
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Most Photographed Goat
Posted by Hello
Thursday night went to Fujairah to dive on Friday... Unfortunately I was dizzy and too tired to go on Friday! I kind of regret it now... But, I did end up dancing all night and boogying to Sean Paul, 50 Cent & Craig David!
Friday came back half crispy yet nicely done from the sun, my cousin pointed out a single goat, so I scrambled from the car and took so many pictures I felt like the paparazzi chasing a movie star... (She may have well been so, since we are so used to being surrounded by civilization that we rarely see animals in nature and once we do they baffles us with their simplistic beauty...
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Palms in a ravine
Posted by Hello
Each time I pass through these mountains and in the scorching heat of the summer look upon the greenery, I am blessedly awed by the divinity in God Almighty's creations...
We then stopped at a canteen in Masafi for some deliciously spicy Indian tea and a paratha with cheese, and as we were about to finish the Paratha we were attacked by a vicious monster in the car, luckily he didn't jump at me rather at the dashboard! (A cockroach decided to hitch a ride!) I think he was hidden in the paratha wrapper from the place that I usually stop at to get Karak tea just before the Friday market... I guess I'm not going there again even if their Karak tea was amazing. EEEeuw!!
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Mountain Variations
Posted by Hello
To see the variation in height and shade due to distance, one cannot help but stand in awe of these formations of stone called mountains, they hover majestically, and to me, protectively as we glide through.
But to truly experience their splendour and grandeur one has to see it magnified in the most stunning part of a day ... At nighttime. When they reach to the darkness in full splendour as if showing of their glamorous plumage to the angels and djin.... while occasionally a shy moon smiles approvingly..
Later after arrival in Dubai I went to the movies with my friend at Grand Cinema and saw 'Ladykillers', neither that great nor interesting! I was quite disappointed though it was expected since it was a remake. I did have hope as it was a production made by the Coen brothers (I did like 'Fargo') but this wasn't all there...
The Other Side...
Posted by Hello
Saturday I went to Spinneys (a grocery store) in Mercato (a shopping mall in Jumeirah, Dubai) to shop for my dinner guests. All us girls usually make a dish or two each and gather. So yesterday I made Mango rice with Sardines, white rice (for my friends Moussaka) and canapés for the early arrivals (taramasalata & anchovies, turkey & pickles, Caviar & butter, crab & mayo and turkey cigars) then the stoooooopid A.C. decides to not perform at its best!
We had a nice night, after tea & desserts there was coffee and Clean Up!!!!
To wind down I watched an eighties movie ('Sex, Lies, and Videotape' Andie McDowell & James Spader), had a cigarette, checked my email and went to sleep!
And that, my fellow dwellers, was my weekend...
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Cry Me A River...
Last night…
Last night I slept to “Tell me your secrets, tell me your fantasy, tell me what you’re afraid of…” ‘He’ said these were the lyrics to a Madonna song, probably ‘Erotica’. And as he went on to tell me fairytales that I recall none of, I drifted away in to a deep slumber.
This morning I awoke to a million and one calls… And when I answer with sleep in my voice, they apologize shyly for awakening me and having forgotten that I’d taken two weeks of work.
This morning, I awoke to a “He” who decided to tell me the lyrics of another song to express himself, which he found too difficult to do with his own words and told me: 'you know the song by Michael Bolton?" so I asked which song? and fell into that. “… Have I told you lately...” and before he could complete the sentence I asked him to stop... I couldn’t bear the weight of that on my conscience. After knowing each other for nearly six years, he wanted to say it now!?!.
Why now?
He accused me of pushing him away every time he wanted to get closer… unfortunately; this is beginning to sound all too familiar; it seems to be the trend…
You tell me, whom should I whisper my secrets to? To whose voice should I fall asleep and to whose smile I should wake up… tell me to whom should I murmur my honeysuckle sweet love and whose breath should I draw…
Many years ago, in Montreal, Kevin was frustrated with me, frustrated to the point of… aaahhh well … let sleeping dogs lie… He said: ‘you’re a fucking coward, you’re too fucking afraid of commitment that’s why you keep doing these things”. “These things” being, pushing him away, and telling him the million and one reason why I cannot be with him etc… He’d then goes gets drunk and attempts a multitude of follies.
So you again, tell me, tell me your fears, tell me your secrets, ‘cause I’ve got secrets too… Tell me how much you love me, ‘cause you know how much..
"Now you say you’re lonely
You cry the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
Now you say you’re sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember, all that you said?
You told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and
Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove that you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you
I cried a river...over you..."
to listen, click on CASSANDRE 159a CRY.mp3
Words and music by Arthur Hamilton,1953.
Monday, July 05, 2004
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Friday, July 02, 2004
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you, you who had been for a while a large part of my imagination, until we met...
Happy Birthday to you, you who forgot mine only two months after we'd known each other...
Happy Birthday Happy Birthday....
Happy Birthday to you, you who burst my happy bubble with life
A Smile
Posted by Hello
A smile is worth so many words, occasionally we may even be too blind to see clearly yet really we must let our intuition kick in and take control, shame on someone so fine tuned in intuition with an acute sense of people to err as such, shame...
Yet what can one say to affairs of the heart, yes we do go occasionally colour blind, at times may be even fully blind, yet it is one of those relapses that affect us for a while and then we heal and come to and realise that, yes we do love, but at this day and age, it no longer is selflessly. Yes we do love, but no longer blindly.
Yes we love, from all our hearts and at times may even drown oh so deliciously, yet we come to, slowly, as the bubbles rise through our chest where it expands beyond our capabilities... and just as our lungs are about to explode, we rise....
Yet again I die, and as the Phoenix I rise...
So honey Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you, you who had been for a while a large part of my imagination, until we met...
Happy Birthday to you, you who forgot mine only two months after we'd known each other...
Happy Birthday Happy Birthday....
Happy Birthday to you, you who burst my happy bubble with life
A Smile
Posted by Hello
A smile is worth so many words, occasionally we may even be too blind to see clearly yet really we must let our intuition kick in and take control, shame on someone so fine tuned in intuition with an acute sense of people to err as such, shame...
Yet what can one say to affairs of the heart, yes we do go occasionally colour blind, at times may be even fully blind, yet it is one of those relapses that affect us for a while and then we heal and come to and realise that, yes we do love, but at this day and age, it no longer is selflessly. Yes we do love, but no longer blindly.
Yes we love, from all our hearts and at times may even drown oh so deliciously, yet we come to, slowly, as the bubbles rise through our chest where it expands beyond our capabilities... and just as our lungs are about to explode, we rise....
Yet again I die, and as the Phoenix I rise...
So honey Happy Birthday to you
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